The wisdom of a little green puppet, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” This has more profound wisdom to myself. I used to be afraid, but I combat my fear with anger, and an inherit rage that I felt through out my life. I call it the furnace. I call him my Devil. The side of me that doesn’t care about consequences, the side of me that takes a bat to the arm and grins in delight. The side of me that knows how to move, how to react and how to take punishments. This was my savior from fear, but the truth of it was i went along the road to hate.
I hated everything, and everyone, I hated so badly that I really wanted the world to burn. That hate drove me to darker and darker places. I went along the road to suffering. I made others suffer, and in so doing cause the suffering of my own damned soul. I know nothing in life is easy, and I don’t pretend to have it the worst. I am merely another Devil out there, mingling and talking. My form and shadows were to only grace that of the damned like myself. I was the hand of justice being swift and true. Isn’t that what the Devil really is, the form of Justice for sinners, for evil or what have you, the ruler of a place dedicated toward justice. Strange how confusing religion can get isn’t it?
So, I invited my Devil out letting it free to be, in so loosing myself inside it. I was the Devil in myself and he was me, over years I have come back from that road long ago traveled, having suffered long and hard on the way. I still trudge through the thick of mire and personal Hells, I am still haunted by ghosts of past, I am still surrounded by confusion and can’t understand. It is strange to view the world after, to look at people and know that you have been places that very few will ever see or be a part of. Though you can never tell, never repeat the details; never say a whispered hush of a fact, because if the wind catches it, it will be severed.
The Devil inside me is still there, he is me, but I have moved beyond, to a form that is more like the fallen. I admit my wrongs, I accept my failures and my faults, I am also a man of codes and refinement. I will be a surprise to you. Someone you didn’t expect, and I may be walking down an alley or street, and if you find me and happen to see the Devil in me, pray.