When we look around at the people around us, we see them among their daily lives, doing what ever they do. We will always be outside looking in. We believe we know someone, until they prove that they aren’t the person you thought you knew. Friends or love, it has no bias, either way you’re always outside looking in. I know from experience.
We always will see the world around us how we perceive and will act according to our own desires. I do not blame, nor I the right to judge. What I do know also is being alone. I have spent so much time alone and people have wondered if it bothers me. Not really, sorta sometimes. Ha. Yes it bothers me. I look into the sea of faces. I am not known. I know that my funeral would have little in attendance but truth be told. I don’t want a funeral. I would rather vanish from the world like a legend that never ended. The scene where the cowboy rides into the sunset without knowing what became. The ghost that passes by, influences some, impacts others, and then moves on by without a trace. Maybe that would be my story, to never have truly lived but never have really died. I want no grave to mourn or weep, but to be something almost forgotten but once in a while there is the reminder.
Is it lonely, it is. But so is my life, and will always be, solitude is where I am most at ease. Where maybe I can lose myself and the world too. Maybe everything is forgotten in the solace and silence. Maybe it is better to be lost and forgotten then to continue the charade.