It seems like you’d know when you’re about to break. When everything seemed to build more and more, and then you see it, the small cracks. Slowly you see them crawl across the surfaces, severing the bonds of structure and balance that was. With more and more, you should see it by now, but when looking from the inside out, you don’t. Not really.
Slowly the cracks etch across and meet making little fragments of what was one solid piece. The more it cracks and breaks, the more it becomes less like the known object and more a form of debris. Wait for it because it really isn’t done. For it can now go one of three ways. One, you watch that pressure build to the point of explosion. That force of energy bursting outward lashing out on anything and everything in its way. The larger the explosion the more all that debris becomes like weapons, little fragments propelled outward at blazing fast speeds. The more the explosion the more danger to everything around. This is only one of three.
Two, the implosion, all the force builds, and builds. When the moment of an explosion would occur, instead an enormous vacuous energy pulls everything in. The fragments pulled in and crushed to oblivion by the singularity. These although less dangerous than an explosion, imploding still leaves devastation in its wake. All energy around it, all things within reach are pulled in to be destroyed by the immense pressure of it. The cataclysmic result folding itself inward, and pulling everything else within reach. This is equally devastating.
Third. Somewhere you see it, the once fragmented structure holds by slivers, and threads. Somehow it holds. The bonds somehow pull back holding in all that pressure, all the energy, all it can offer and somehow it holds. Sure the structure is weakened, the cracks all visible and apparent, becomes a piece that people would value less for its flaws. The structure holds and somewhere you know it will hold again. This is pathetic. But true it happens.
Does it make a difference when the “structure” is a soul? What if it was the human mind? What if it were you? Someone you didn’t know? When does this all matter really? When in the reality of such things, people will pretend and paint over the flaws like they didn’t exist. Lies and mental games are all that one can do to continue to be “normal”. People don’t really want the truth, the truth is ugly and disgusting, the truth is the reminder of the flaws. The in your face truth is a reminder of your weaknesses, your flaws, your inner fragments and no one likes to admit that especially to themselves.
The fragments that are held together are held by your beliefs, your will, and your hope. Mine is held by my anger and will. I hate so many things, hate. I hate myself and many of my actions, I hate people and what they do to each other. I hate many things, but the few things I love, are the reason I won’t let go. I may be alone, I may walk in solitude for the rest of my life, and so maybe I deserve that. I may not be okay, but I won’t let the fragments give. I won’t let it go. I have done this before, only to piece together what was left. I am broken and truly no one wants something broken. So it is the way of things, I don’t really mind, it is my life I have no real choice but to deal with it. However if one day you should find yourself to breaking point, may my experiences show you that maybe there is option 4….