We go through life looking for connections. Hoping to find someone who understands, who knows what it is to be like us. We find an understanding, a meaningful connection and we embrace it till it’s gone, or we are. We like to believe that we aren’t alone, but we will always be alone. It’s loneliness that kills us. It is loneliness we fear. That feeling of distance, and emptiness, it is inside and inescapable.
We move on trying to hope it will pass, and maybe for a time it does, until it returns again to remind you. You are and will always be alone, because you’re alone in your mind. It’s only going to be you seeing outside your eyes, only you to experience, and feel everything that life will dish you. It’s only you who has lived it all. Yet, you will still feel loneliness. Yearning for a connection outside yourself.
The trouble with it is that it isn’t something everyone experiences often. Some find their connections and marry, and live with them for the rest. Some don’t. Some of us will live solitary lives, afraid or otherwise, the choice to be solitary isn’t always because it’s easy. Some do it because they have no other choice. The outside world for whatever reason doesn’t accept you. Doesn’t understand you. Doesn’t work the way you work. For some it’s just the way it is. Some choose solitary, believing that no connections means no pain, or hurt. If I don’t get attached, nothing lost can hurt me.
Whatever your reason for being alone, it doesn’t change loneliness. It doesn’t change that simple desire for connections outside yourself. What you’re failing to realize in this moment is that you’re not alone. You’re surrounded by people, and if not, then by possibilities to meet people. You have the option to step out of the darkness and from comfort zones. To reach out and find others. If you choose not to and this is a choice, that is your choice.
Still won’t change the feeling of loneliness. It is wordless, empty and hollow. It is acceptance in that idea that we’re really alone and no one but yourself to depend on. It is a broken state where we are weaker than we usually are, but it’s a lie we’re telling ourselves. We’ve made it this far alone. We’ve been through how much of our lives alone? We’ve figured problems out before on our own. We have been alone for hours, days, months, sometimes years. We have pushed ourselves through our lives by our own will and drives. We have moved our feet and kept walking because we choose to continue ourselves. We have made choices, took the consequences and asked for another helping, all by ourselves.
We have stood in dangers, lifted our own responsibility, we have cared, pushed, given, broken, stung, stabbed, crashed and burned all and more, and we were alone. Sure someone may have been there, but it was you in your own head to experience it all alone. As they experienced a different perception alone. We are all alone. But that doesn’t mean you didn’t make it this far with all help. We say we had friends, family, God, or otherwise.
However, not one of them were in your shoes to face the situations you faced. Not one was behind your eyes in the moments that counted. It wasn’t them who endured the hardships and faced the dwindling minutes of your life. It won’t be them that closes their eyes to sleep for you, it won’t be them that will fill your coffin. It is you, you alone have made it this far and you alone have the power to choose your life. It is you who has made a difference to each individual you encountered. It’s you who creates a wake, that ripples behind you and not before you. It’s you who will make changes, and differences in others, you who will be there for another who may feel alone.
Just remember it’s you who is alone. We are alone. In this we must accept, and then when we choose to reach out for that connection, we will find it was always there, within us. We are the connection to others, as they to us. We aren’t alone in that, we are all connected by being alone together.