A Fractured Mind

There is nothing like pain. Emotional or/and physical do much more than we anticipate. Such as a guy with a gunshot wound doesn’t anticipate how much it hurts, or someone who gets a paper cut gets the sting and it hurts more than one anticipates. This works especially so on mental damage. The fact our frame of mind is very fragile. (Some more than others.) Although this fragile state is also highly malleable, it is so fragile that some minds don’t seem to come back.

This is the fact of insanity, but what is the difference? Insanity, such a blanket word for many different ailments of the mind. The varieties of that term are as various as the term human is a variety of us. Our minds being so fragile it can depend on how it was fractured in the first place. Everything is situational. The more things that go into the fracture are all matters, as well the state of the mind as it is fractured.

For instance, my own experience was my mother’s death and my own learning of it. You see my dreams of my future were heavily dependent on her being alive. (Like anyone.) I was told of her death and the realization of many things, it me hard. I was no where near prepared for it. To be honest it broke something inside in a way, however it was my choice to heal from the fracture – rather than let the fracture define me. My mental state afterwards was a direct relation to that fracture though, I was angry.

So, my own mind was fractured by the event. In some ways causing a ripple of events and choices that continued till I was older. Introspection only made me aware of the whole process and the choices I made because of it. While I may or may not be insane, (depends on your perspective) I still find that I easily could’ve. This wasn’t my only instance but one of many, and one of the most significant.

I can see how easily I could’ve slid down. Instead I decided that I wouldn’t let those things that tried to break me, do so. I wouldn’t submit to the pain and anguish I felt in my most desperate times. I would continue past, as if life gives another choice. We don’t get to live in a moment of our past. We even perceive the world through a lens that is jaded by our own emotional and mental states. So you can change the way you perceive the world. We’re living until we die, and there isn’t much choice to that. Even suicide is a form of living until death.

The fact is that you don’t have to let yourself be broken from the fractured mind. The more you dwell on a fracture, the more you give to it. The more you give to it, the more it becomes a part of you. The more it becomes a part of you, the more you continue to damage the repair process. There is no easy healing, it’s time and effort. If a victim of anything is willing to put in the time and effort of fighting past the trauma, then they will overcome it to a point that they will be stronger for it, not weaker because of it.

The fracture isn’t a weakness, it’s a point where your life changed dramatically. How it changed is inevitably up to you. You get the willpower to control your own mind. You have the ability to fight thoughts, or to allow them to pass into action. You are the one who makes all the decisions and will inevitably make your own future. What kind of future will you decide to have regardless of the blade?

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