Love & Relationships

Have you been in Love? Often a consideration of question about an emotional response of what we uniquely experience. Who’s to say, as our versions of love can be very different. That is just a small portion of the truth about such a powerful and sweeping emotion as love. There has been plenty in the discussion of choices, and otherwise but I felt it was time to re-examine love.

In my world I grew up with 6 sisters, so the ideally romanticized love that was portrayed in every romantic movie they watched was not lost on me. I understood what it really is now, but it took me years to understand that isn’t how reality worked. When we typically think of love we romanticize it because it’s most often found in romance. Whether it be book or movie, we continue to fall for the romantic segments, even if you’re a non-romantic you fall for your own brand of “romance”.

For the wide majority of people want to receive love, this is idealized and given to us in Holiday fashion and romantic dramas. We are bombarded by our own instinct to find a mate and procreate, and then you have just the idealized relationship to boot. The TV shows and movies depict relationships in ways that aren’t even real. They are hard, they are complex and dynamic. They are something else entirely.

Going back to love, I suspect it to be the most powerful emotion next to fear. Love can conquer all in so many ways but when up to test on more than one occasion love has faltered. So what is love? Love is a deeply expressive emotion that solidifies bonds between individuals in a reciprocal and amicable fashion where both parties grow from and continue to balance the other.

That is love, it has little to do with anything else. It’s not defined by actions, or by words, it’s defined by those individuals and how they choose to. Notice also that I mentioned reciprocal.  This is important because if you pour your love constantly to someone who doesn’t reciprocate it – over time this will ultimately fail. You can’t love someone who doesn’t love you back. Amicable, was my next word as amicable is important too because you can’t be in full oppositions, and fight so much that you’re constantly in a power-struggle.

Love and relationships really don’t have much to do with the other, other than it is something you experience at the deeper end of a relationship. All of our connections to others is a form of relationship. From friend to family, it’s a relationship that has values and limits. There are more than one time I have heard someone from the streets tell me “my street family is more to me than my real one”.

This means that even blood relationship can have no bearing on the actual love of “family”. Even then, when we get in that relationship, marry, and have children with another individual that person and your children become your “family”. The person you married being a stranger before you met them. This also attests to family being not requirement of blood relation. So if that is the case, then we can love friends, family, and lovers the same – but it doesn’t work that way.

Limits and trust is the difference. For instance you wouldn’t likely tell your co-worker your dark and dirty secrets. Just as likely they are likely to not share with you. Let alone the awkward situations it would cause. We do this kind of deep level trust with people closest minded to ourselves. We first find common grounds and develop relationships from there. Even in dating, that is the first thing that the couple will do. If no common ground can be established no relationship is either.

So we often romanticize the love of movies and make the ideas of soul-mates in a idealistic fashion, and while it could be possible, I don’t think people should hold themselves to that unless they truly choose to. We may not love someone as we do our “romantic partner” we only find that is the case because for some interesting reason that partner seems to be intrinsically intertwined with our own pheromones/hormones. For some particular reason we all have biases in what we find “attractive”, these biases can’t fully be controlled. You can change yourself to be what you believe the individual “loves” but you can not make someone be attracted to you.

If you present yourself correctly to their tastes, and if you play the game in a way that is in their ways, then you can get far, but finding love can be difficult. While on the opposite side those throwing the love-line out everywhere is a careless way of expression and desperate hope to find a something. That something may not even be good or right for them, but their desperate loneliness doesn’t make room for letting it go.

Loneliness is a feeling of hard emptiness. It seems like there is a hole inside you that some part of you is craving to be filled. The problem in this is that often we fill it with whatever works, not what might be best.  This is problematic for so many reasons. You must learn to either fight the loneliness or let it go. You must find a balance within yourself before you can fully embrace another.

The idea that somehow we need a relationship is untrue, they just happen to be wonderful moments along the way. Or the worst. That each of the people we connect with have potential to become a form of loved one, and the bond that can be established between them can be so strong that in some rarer cases unbreakable. You have that potential for others, as others have for you. Each and every day you have a moment to express that to others in a way that Bob Marley would be proud.

You have a chance to make the most of someone else’s life and nothing is more important than that greater impact. You can do great things, you can let it harm you or/and others. You have the potential to be great with love, or let it go and believe you can’t. You still will never stop someone else. Love is an emotion, and when it’s really there it is incredible and can do many things. Just know that you will love. You will find the pain in love. You will hate love, and love it, maybe at the same time. It’s complex, but it’s truly one of the most beautiful things humans exhibit with their lover, with their family, or friends. Observe it for yourself.




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