I have been asked if people can change. I have also been told people do not change. This is one of the biggest questions that we have about others around us. Can they change? Will they? Is it even possible? There are things about this that makes it really difficult to know or understand this alteration of others.
The fact that people are so fluid because everything is situational. For instance, they may be great with people and conversational when he/she feels comfortable, but in another situation where comfort is different, let’s say someone they don’t like is at the event, they do not seem to be the same greatness. This is a minor portion of an idea that I call chameleonizing. Psychologists might refer to this as conformity.
The Chameleon is a color changing lizard that can adapt it’s exterior to blend with the environment. We all do this. If you find yourself in a group, groupthink seems to take over to variable degrees and we adjust our “mask” to reflect that environment. This ability to conform to our environment only suits for our better survival. However blending in is only a temporary fix, especially when it’s not who you are at the core.
There are many layers of people, much like an onion. If you go deeper to the core, there are personality traits and behavioral traits that exist at the core. The core of the person is determined by the environment they grew up to, as well as their own decisions based on that environment. The core is built at youth, it becomes the principal parts of their personality. Astrology signs seem to accurately portray many of the traits that do tend to end up in people’s core (not sure why or how).
The fact that Astrology does describe the core of many, it’s just a description, as in the case of astrology it requires an entire natal chart to be more accurate. The natal chart is an outline of planetary and lunar alignments towards their corresponding sign in space. Slightly complex, yet still the work of Astrology should only help you to understand who you are, not dictate who you will be. Just as the core is the primary [Astrological Sun Sign] of you, it doesn’t dictate all the outer layers.
The outer layers of a person’s personality are rich with various experiences, preferences, and quirks. Building more layers the more they grow. This means that the core becomes part of the outer layers to many various degrees. You don’t bite into an onion and taste an apple on the outer layer. The same is true with people. Often core motivations are secretive, and inner dialogue with the core self is one most often done internally.
So, with the knowledge there are layers and a core, let’s really look at what it takes to change. The first truth about change in a person is it must come from within. You can not change someone externally, you will only change a layer if at all. That being said often we want to change, but more often are not willing to make the needed sacrifices, or changes, required to do so. So, there must be a deep desire to make that change.
The other part of this is that when someone does want to change, are they willing to look at themselves and their inner core with a critical lens? Because honestly, that is what you must do to make a deep change like that. Like plucking a weed from the garden by the roots. Sometimes the root of a negative behavior lies in bad or dark places that the individual may not want to go inside. The place of its origins often is threaded through those negative times.
You must go down within, look critically through your life in a retrospect, and find all the places that “weed” originated. It may be one, it may be more than one and have a complex “root system”. The fact that it requires a ton of introspection is something that may cause other problems for many. They don’t want to be introspective. Some are completely unwilling to attempt it. (Major Extroverts.) The fact that introspection is the only way to make those changes only shows the capacity required to make a change.
If that is still within your realms of possibility. (It is.) Then you can uproot the false or negative beliefs, and behavior. To do so you must accept the behaviors that you already did wrong. Look at them as a reference to why you must not continue those behaviors. You must use them as your reason. You take all your mistakes to that behavior and what it’s caused and continue to remind yourself of the desire to change.
Last but certainly not at all least. Change. The simplicity of saying this is easy, but actually far more difficult to do. I mean change the behavior today. Attempt to change the behavior tomorrow. And the day after. Do not let up, do not quit, no matter how many times you may slip. But don’t excuse a slip. Know you can do better. Know that you must change to acquire the behaviors you want to. You have every ability to change those tiger stripes, but it’s not going to be easy. It’s so very difficult the more ingrained the behavior is or might be. The other part is that you should be certain of that choice, otherwise end up breaking another bad “habit” all over.
Like all things that are worth anything, the other factor is time. You must have patience with yourself. No one who suffered a stroke and learned to walk again had an easy time, nor the ability to walk so quickly after. This takes time, so must the efforts made for a change. Can it be changed? Yes. The truth is that even an addict has the ability to change, but most often they still have a temptation thought still chiding away. But there is a difference between thought and action.
Can people change? Yes. They can, they do. The difference is when it’s wanted. Even when it’s unwanted. People just generally don’t change because they are comfortable with themselves, or/and their behaviors. Regardless of positive or negative. Some are willing to continue to pursue excellence of themselves and attempt to bring it out of those around them. This requires constant supervision of self-directed behaviors and continual introspection. We can balance that out.
Balancing ourselves is profoundly important because I have never met someone so far that loved themselves in every single aspect of themselves. (At least none that could tell me the truth about that.) In the places that they are overlooking flaws of behavior or their downfalls, they often have so much potential to break. However, if you were to find a harmony of self then the sides are able to vary for the situation. In other words, you make yourself an even better chameleon because your inside is better able to match whatever is outside.
You can change. There is only one thing ever stopping anyone from doing so. You. The biggest hurdle to get over is the fact that you stand in your own way. Your mind is going to snap back to what you were comfortable with, you’re going to make more mistakes. You are the biggest critic of your behaviors and yourself. You stand against you always. If you want a change, you must face yourself and be willing to fight for it. That is the only way that anyone makes the change for themselves.
One last bit. There are negative changes that happen to people all the time. Death of a loved one, an accident, a horrible event regardless, can alter a person in drastic and profound ways. These are not easy changes to remove either. In fact the longer it persists after the event(s). The harder it will be to change. If you find yourself amidst the traumatic events of life, you must stay clear about who you want to be. Remember always who you want to be. Do not let anyone decide for you.