Are you angry? Are you afraid of anger? Do you have problems with anger? I do. Through my life have been so many different times where I could’ve done something other than what I did. I did what I did out of anger, and it costs a price that often wasn’t what I wanted to pay. The price of anger is one that most people do not take into account, let alone the emotion itself.
It’s most commonly considered a negative emotion. It’s thought of as a problem in its self, however, anger is not the problem. It’s what people do with it. People are able to make a choice to let the anger out in destructive and profoundly negative ways, mass shootings, murder, violence on others, etc. This is a truth of anger that more commonly presents itself as negative, however, why then does it still exist?
That is because anger is a tool. It’s warning signs and a useful emotion. How? Because the reason anger exists is because in the case of the “Cave-man” days. If another man came into your territory or home, took your food and ate it all, and stole your things, even did more to fulfill his desires over the “Cave-man” than he should rightfully be angry with the one stepping over invisible lines. It’s there to warn that someone has crossed the line.
When someone crosses the invisible lines of reality toward being selfish or putting themselves above, it causes righteous anger. Good anger, versus bad anger where jealousy and possessiveness exist. The polar opposition is a part of every single emotion, and the balancing point is not the same for everyone. This is the fact of anger, that there are two polar sides and each side holds areas that anger touches. If a soldier in World War II saw a Nazi about shoot a man in the head, the soldier might be afraid, but he also might be angry. Which do you think pushes the soldier to do what is right?
Often tantrums are the most obscene forms of anger, but in the event of a tantrum, there are various degrees of how bad a tantrum, as well as the mental state of the individual having a tantrum. For instance, the anger of one child may not be the same for another, even if both throw similar tantrums. Since anger is solely from within the individual, each person experiences anger completely differently.
From their experience of how intense the anger emotion is, to the degree of how it affects them (IE: adrenaline, or heart rate, etc.). As well it matters what they feel from it, some are scared of it and so it puts them in a state of panic or fear. Others are more than willing to express it outward in a big display. Some seething in their anger and bottle it down. While another may be using it to be the demolitionist or some other labor.
The fact that anger is different for everyone makes it even harder to understand it’s complexity. So when someone sees someone losing their temper and they say, “can’t you control your temper?” It becomes a terrible statement of an ability that one may have over another, or that their intensity is as manageable as their own. The statement doesn’t really take that into account. Hence there are many with “anger problems”.
All my life I was asked the same question about control. I have worked my whole life so far to improve my actions when angry. I have made leaps and bounds but even still it’s a beast that is still a struggle. However, managing anger would be more appropriate for a phrase. Managing anger is a matter of allowance for others to feel it as they do, and it also offers an understanding that anger needs to be directed.
It wells up with an intensity (again different for everyone) and for some, this is like trying to control a volcano. Can you control a volcano? No, of course not, however, can you manage what happens when the volcano erupts? Yes, that you can do. It’s like that, you can instead try to focus on what to do with the anger. It’s not easy to see it from outside before it’s blowing up inside, but if you can stop yourself at the moment for even a second then it’s more than enough time to decide.
If you are finding yourself outraged and angered. You might decide to hold it in, that it’s not enough of an actual issue to bring up. You may decide that the issue isn’t a call for the amount of explosive anger that you’re feeling, so you vent some. You may decide that there is no way to change how you feel and if you don’t release it feels as though it will consume you. That is where another choice needs to be made. Stay or leave.
If the anger is at a point that you’re exploding with energy and rage, it can be difficult to see the choices. It may be incredibly hard because you have reasons to be angry, minor or major, they are reasons for you to be angry. Those reasons are not easily dismissed. Neither is the energy that suddenly bursts from the emotion. So it becomes explosive and blows up at things, and sometimes at people.
There is always a choice. Stay or walk away is the one you need to consider when you’re at the point. Walking away isn’t a weakness, it’s a value, I value walking away from a bad situation more than I want to stay in pride and anger and make more of the situation. The chance to stay offers another alternative. Fight back. This is only in the consideration that there is something worth the fight, something worth the troubles. If not, it’s always better to walk away, and walking away doesn’t mean you can’t return.
The truth is the balance for yourself is something you must seek. Since everything is situational, you can measure and weigh, you can decide. You must decide for yourself what you do with your anger, to know yourself well enough to know your anger. Hiding it, or from it is not helpful. The full-blown expression isn’t either. Finding a balance of how to act, and react must come from you and your own decisions.
Whatever you decide to do with your anger, it’s your responsibility. It may cost unseen consequences. I knew someone who got so angry after hearing their mate cheated, that they put a bullet in them both. The consequences of anger can be huge, and the damage it can cause is even worse. However, anger caused rebellions to stand against tyranny. Anger allowed someone the ability to not be used. Anger helped someone stop getting picked on. Anger helped someone who needed to be.
Anger is not masculine. Anger is not feminine. Both have bad and good expressions of anger. I haven’t seen anger like a way a woman is when angry. Maybe the reason to “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. The truth of anger will always be in what it is in action. The truth of you will be how you act. You decide, and I hope you seek to understand that balance for yourself. Too much of any one thing is negative. The ability to have anger is an amazing tool and sign. You just get to decide what you’re going to do with it.