Have you met someone of the victim mentality? You most likely have, there are obvious clues to know someone whom is stuck in this mental state. Being in this mental state has severe consequences internally and externally. The fact that people can continue to fall into this mental state only is a display at how easy it can be.
What is Victim Mentality? Just as it sounds, it’s a personality trait that a person develops where they become the victim of people, circumstance, or life in general. This mental state is a state where the victim of their own thinking becomes a victim of everything around them. It’s a repetitious circle. There is always something to feel victimized about. More especially in females (although not always) as they are more often victims of something.
There are reasons people play a victim. It shirks responsibilities, it causes attention to be given, less criticism, likely getting what you want, feeling interesting because you have a number of stories, and more. It becomes apparent quickly that a victim often gets “special” attention. This is one of the greatest reasons for attention seekers (every human wants/craves attention to some degree) to become a victim to receive that attention. The victim becomes entitled to special treatments and privileges that vary depending on the situation at which the victim became the victim.
However in today’s society it’s easy to say, “I am a victim of ________”. When the actual truth may be they are/were and they may have had to struggle with it. However there are those whom get stuck in the victim mentality stating that the world is against them. That God is against them. That men hold them down. The patriarchy is making them a victim. Luck is against them. Life is against them. It’s a mentality that is similar to me vs the world. And it’s continued and perpetuated in support for victims which is in turn helping to continue the victim mentality.
The victim will constantly blame others for their shortcomings, failures, and anything else problematic. There is no sense of accountability and if it does surface it’s a glancing bit of it before it becomes about how everyone else is more the perpetrator. The person who continues to see themselves as victims is often seeking aid and help in all sorts of ways that can deepen to a point where the person will rely on others even to sustain their own life. The victim mentality offers no ability for self growth, or responsibility. It is always something external.
While it’s important to note: There are actual victims of things in life. There is a difference between victims. Some don’t/won’t consider themselves a victim, while others realizing the attention and aid that is offered in support quickly resort to continued victim-hood and perpetuating a lack of self-confidence, and lack of responsibility. This is completely unhelpful to themselves as well as others. Often making it a point for others to initiate the consideration for said “victim” and help, otherwise be labeled as someone mean, cold, or heartless.
This is also a major issue to those actual a victim of others, life, or just of circumstance. These kind of victims are looked over more easily when everyone else is willing to cry wolf to the same victimization. (IE: Women and Toxic Masculinity, women and rape) There are actual victims of rape, and actual victims of real sexual harassment, but there are those who call themselves a victim of those same problems, and they actually (In Reality) were not. This demeans the experience of actual victims and lessens the amount of support, and aid they get because of deceit.
While there are male victims, female victims, gay victims, and the like, there is no reason that someone should let themselves believe that they have no control over their life because of it. While certainly life has motion to make a sudden impact, so do people, and even your own decisions make that a possibility for better or worse. A victim often considers the world as hostile and goes through it afraid. Much like a dog sniffing fear, people can sense that fear in others, whether it’s to be helpful or to be predatory. The constant state of fear and worry is damaging to the psyche of the individual as well as impacts others around them, and anyone in any future context.
The state of fear that a victim lives in continues to deprive them of opportunities that may otherwise exist, but because of a sense of dread and fear they do not take. This is damaging as well. The fact that a victim is often willing to stay in this is also another problem because it’s easy when special attention and assistance is given to victims. It’s just more problematic because like a proverbial parent it can even cause such a victim to be supported monetarily and in almost every way.
For instance, I met a girl who refused to take out the trash or anything at all at night because her fear and victim mentality stated that she didn’t trust her neighborhood enough to even take the garbage out at night. She refused to go outside unless it was to quickly get in a car because of her fears. While incidents are more likely to occur at night, the actual likelihood of her being a victim of anything is actually substantially low. (In more moderate cases.) She didn’t need to do this but she instead would have her boyfriend do it.
The very same person utilizes her boyfriend to do almost anything, including be her protector simply because she felt so afraid that she ran to him at every turn. This caused him many issues (especially with men) and with her. She refused to accept responsibility of work because her co-workers harassed her, and because she wasn’t contributing, he had to work another job which caused her to worry more about nights. This continued problem exacerbated to the point that he eventually had to break it off because she required so much validation, support, and consideration, that he felt like he could not maintain the relationship.
Being an actual victim of anything is horrible, whether it be robbery or rape. It doesn’t matter your sex, it doesn’t matter your personal views, it doesn’t matter how good you are or not, becoming a victim is a horrible experience. However when people continue to blame life, others, and situations for the circumstances they find themselves in it becomes the end all answer to why they are in that position. “I am homeless because ______ ruined me, and because ________ was evil. Because society, because the law, because whatever justification is available to support the person’s victimization.
This is not helpful to yourself or others when stuck in the blame others and life for your situation. It’s not actual or truthful. The Truth: You had a hand in everything that has ever happened to you. Even to the smallest degree. For instance I choose to go to lunch at 12. I get in my car, and drive a specific road which because of timing and circumstance get in an accident with another driver. Even if they are at fault for the accident, I made a series of choices leading me to that accident.
I have a sense of responsibility to my own actions, as well as to my own behaviors. If I go into a bar, and do not behave appropriately it can lead to consequences. For instance I can’t go in and deck some dude who I felt was being a douche, nor can I just walk up to some other guy’s girl and begin to molest her. Neither action will yield me a good result, but the fact that I chose to make either of those actions is proof that I am responsible for it even if I don’t want to admit that responsibility. Just as responsible as someone who walks into the middle of a street is for the possibility of being struck by a car. Everyone is responsible for their own choices and actions.
To break victim mentality you must understand that power of your own choices, to understand that the world is not against you directly (or very rarely anyways). To know that you are in control of your decisions, of your actions, and when you can find that inner power you must begin to wield it once again. You must begin anew with making that a priority of your own self to ensure you don’t give someone else the burden of responsibility. We all have enough of our own, let alone the responsibilities of those we actually accept the responsibility for (IE: Kids, family, etc.).
The fact is that while victimization happens. Some point everyone will find themselves a victim of something. The question I have for anyone finding themselves a victim is, are you going to let that control you or define you? Or are you going to understand that happened and it doesn’t define you, it isn’t going to control you? I hope you will make your own decisions and you will take control of your own life. Take responsibility for your own actions, thoughts, and behaviors. You are responsible for them even if you don’t know it.